new beginnings

So as we can tell I did not go back to ct. Probally for the best since it seems that my aunt will be ok. im working on starting life here again. I need to get a job, but since i have a touch of agoraphobia and anthrophobia it wont be easy. I have been trying to go out more like downtown and stuff and it seems to be helping a little, but i still have trouble talking one-on-one. i have no idea what kind of job i am going to get, but because of my age i doubt i am going to get one that limits the amount of people i talk to. anywho ill talk to yall l8r byebye ***

The Return

sup party ppl?

I might be going back to CT. The people have to approve it first, that i can take care of my cousins until aunt honey gets better. If i do go back i know i have to be more strict about what goes on because i the girls need to know that if they keep messing up and they misbehave to badly, they will probally be taken away. I hope that doesnt happen and if me being strict is going to keep it from happening then thats just whats going to have to happen. I hope aunt honey gets better soon, i dont want her to be sick. But no one ever does, right?

***

Regret

I feel really bad. My aunt got sick after i left. It has nothing to do with me leaving, but if i had been there i could have helped and made sure my cousins were ok. Hey cousins...if u read this, please be good. I dont know qhat else to say on this subject, so byebye

Welcome Home

sup ppls?

so...i made it home. thats right the plane didnt crash and i didnt get lost. Its kinda weird being back home, but i hope everything will turn out good. I got to start looking for a job asap...FUN! but right now im just gonna sleep and play video games for a little bit. It still sucks that i have to share a room with my little sister but oh well at least i dont have to sleep on the couch right? anywho ima go play my game now. l8r ***

Countdown to departure!

Okey doke,

So later on this morning, in about three hours in fact, i will be leaving for the airport where the culmination of my worry waits. Will i have an uneventful trip, comfortable and worry free listening to Disturbed, or will it be throughly embarassing and uncomfortable while again listening to Disturbed. the upsides? it will only be 4:45 hours, and either way, i still get to listen to disturbed! lol. anywho im extremely nervous. I bought my sisters some presents, i hope they like them. Ima try to get mia madre something at the airport maybe. so yep this time tommorow i will be home! hasta luego ppl!

Disguising the Pain

Why are you alone?
Can you not please anyone?
Are you not good enough?
Why do you lay awake alone in bed at night?
Why is it that you cry alone?

She stares in the mirror
asking questions of herself
for which she has no answer.
She peers at the distorted
version of her true self
helpless as the tears roll down her cheeks.

She adorns her lips with bright color.
Wipes the tears from her eyes.
Fixes her hair, her clothes, her smile.
She steps out into the world alone
and hides her pain away.
Only her eyes giving glimpses of her sorrow
to those who never care to look.

-sc

have you ever...

Have you ever wished that you someone else? That you had that pefect life, no worries or cares in the world beside what is for dinner and where are my pants at? I have often hopelessly wished for such dreams, needless to say they have not come true. right now I wish i had a short term addiction. One that would take my mind for a few moments. That would be nice. but its not going to happen...oh well.

aloha

hey ppl

well i am freaking out. yep i know that i do it alot, but i cant help it. I know i am going to be super embarassed on that airplane. and i dont know what to do about it. On top of it i feel really stupid becuase of something i did. but anyway, im trying to loose weight. im doing better with what i eat, but i have to exersize more. thats about all i have to say now. so l8r. ***

love lost

Love Lost


She sits alone and wonders why?
Did she not love Him enough?
Had she loved Him too much?
She attempts to move on
but her heart is gone.
He took it with Him
the day He left.

He lies awake in bed
beside a woman he wishes he could love.
A woman he wishes was Her.
But he knows She deserves better
than all that he can give.
Never in his life has he felt regret.
Untill now. Untill Her.

Two halves
of the same soul
seperated by sorrow.
He drowns himself
in Her memory
While She abuses herself
with accusations.
Alone they suffer,
together they thrive.

-sc

welcome to my life.

hello, whoever cares to read this.

well at this moment i am feeling stupid. i am moving back home and i dont know why. when i return home, i get to begin life again only with the same characters same problems and same me. i donnt know what made me want to return home. BUt i couldnt stay here with people who dont even like me. its like last call, i dont have to go home but i cant stay here. i definatly have to go home because i already bought the ticket. i just want to go somewhere where i wont feel alone even in the middle of a crowd. but it wont happen that way, i wish it would.